What happened... and where is the person I once was?

So I keep getting these "I want a baby" feelings... then I seem to come back to reality of the person I know myself to be and think "maybe later" sounds better. I am so confused. What happened to wanting to be free, live our lives free of responsibility, hop on a plane to Vegas a few times a year??? I don't want to give anything up really, but the idea of a baby, of one that Craig and I make sounds better and better each day. This is scary!

I was just at the obgyn's office having an internal ultrasound for irregular spotting after my AF, and all looks good according to the doctor. A small part of me wanted to be in the side of the population there that was preggo. Ok, well maybe not as small a part of me as I would like to think.

Was the thought process that maybe getting preggo when we are ready won't be as easy if something is wrong (i.e. causing the irregular spotting) making it something more appealing? I don't know. I will have to wait and see.

Stay tuned to "The randomness of Danielle's mind".

TGIF!

TGIF is right!

Looking forward to rest and relaxation, not having to get out of my jammies when I wake up in the morning, being able to wake up when I want (even if it is only 7am) and just doing whatever I want... that is what this weekend means to me.

Going to Kris' baby shower on Sunday which I am looking forward to. Got her a practical registry gift and then the cutest little hoodie that I was tempted to keep just in case we have a girl when we decide to have a baby... hehe. I can only imagine how big her belly is by now (she isn't too far away from her due date), can't wait to see. This may make the babies rabies kick in high gear, watch out!

Short and sweet today.

Shout out to my peeps... love you all ;)

MS Walk, tax dry run, blah blah blah...

Got the info on the MS Challenge Walk in the mail last night... read it over today and although I am excited to finally be able to do something I am a bit discouraged to find out that anyone that walks would need to raise $1,500... meaning for me and Craig to be able to walk we would need to raise $3,000... which I can't see being easy with me working at a small company (4 people including me) and him being out of work. I can see that being a bit of an obstacle, not to mention that having friends and family to walk with will not be as easy as originally thought (since each person needs to raise $1500). Still haven't brought this up to my dad and stepmom yet, but plan to next time I am up in Gloucester... I am curious what they will think about it... and if my stepmom will want to walk.

Did a dry run of our taxes today (still awaiting a couple more forms) and doesn't look like we will be getting back as much as I expected, which totally sucks. I need to wait until everything comes in and do it on TurboTax to know for sure, but I am confident that I did it right, unfortunately.

Not as much of a tax refund as expected + Craig out of work + no March bonus for Craig that he was eligible for at work = stinky... I expected us to be way ahead of where we will be in March in terms of savings.

2 weeks from today = Vegas here we come! I need this vacation!!!!!!!!

Little down today...

I heard on the radio a couple days ago about the MS Challenge Walk. Now normally that wouldn't mean anything to me, but my dad being diagnosed with MS this past September changed everything. My dad has MS. That is not something I ever thought I would say. My dad doesn't deserve this. It isn't fair.

I haven't really come to terms with this news yet. I've been able to somehow push it deep down and avoid the reality of it on most days. I had planned to educate myself on it upon return from our October vacation, yet haven't. I am scared to know more.

Hearing this commercial for the MS Challenge Walk made me feel for a second like I could somehow do something to show my dad that I would do anything I could to change his situation. If it means walk 50 miles to raise funds to find a cure, then so be it. If I could change his situation I would do anything. This seems to be a start. Something to take control of, do and feel good about.

It will put me in a community I would honestly rather not be part of, the family, friends and supporters of a disease that will continue to affect my dad... constant reminder that my dad is not healthy... I would rather not know about MS, not need to care and continue with my illusions that these things don't happen to my family.

So info is coming in the mail. I plan to raise at least $1,500 and find a support network of friends and family that will walk with me. Times like this, when things aren't easy or fun, is when you find out who true friends are.

I am in no shape to walk 50 miles... but I will do what it takes to get to that point by September... such a small part for me to do.

It just isn't fair.

Not much to say...

but wanted to check in anyway.

Just ate 6 mini Mounds... after eating lunch. Oooppsss.

Tonight Craig is making me dinner, yum. I do love coming home to a clean house and a cooked meal... is that wrong of me looking at the bright side of him being out of work? I think not. Though for our savings to stay on track he will have to get back to work within a few months... like it or not.

We are fortunate. Anyone reading this is fortunate. Just remember that you have it better than the majority of people in this world. Live, love and enjoy.

Peace peeps!

Snowy Monday to ya...

Took 2 hrs to get into work today... 45 minutes just to get out of Weymouth. This snow is pretty, but such a pain.

Who knew I could sleep so much? Friday night was a super late night (poker of course) so I made up for the lack of sleep on Saturday afternoon... I think I slept for more hours than I was awake on Saturday, Craig can attest to that. Felt good though.

This weekend was the weekend of sleep and using our gift certificate winnings... lunch at Applebees on Saturday and lunch with Whalen & Lynne on Sunday at Jimbos. Free food = good. Then the four of us went to IKEA on Sunday after lunch and wow that place is huge. A couple hours just to look around and we bought nothing. We did find some possible new dressers for our bedroom though.

poker + sleep + eat = this weekend

O - I did talk pop by my obgyn's office to pick up some prenatal vitamins... just to start and see how they treat me (vitamins tend to upset my stomach)... I really want to make sure my body is ready for when the time comes that my mind is.

Tis Friday...

Finally Friday. Yay!

Had a good week and looking forward to the relaxing weekend... no real plans other than poker tonight... so this makes me very happy!

This week we did well at no cost poker (both at Jimbos and Applebees):
- another $25 gift certificate to Jimbos
- $30 gift certificate to Applebees
- $50 gift cheque (cash)

Other than that not too much going on. Just getting an idea from my doctors on what to do to get my body ready (for baby-making time) for when my mind is ready (who knows when this will be). Vitamins. Needing to get off the meds I am currently on (can't be on them when preggo) and probably finding ones that I can be on while preggo. About it I think... doctors will probably say to try to lose some weight beforehand as well.

5pm can't come fast enough!!!!!

What a nice weekend...

Wonderful weekend...

Friday - hair color and cut (thanks to Jill for getting rid of my WT-roots), then poker at our place... I was happy to fall asleep on the couch while everyone else finished playing downstairs

Saturday - SURPRISE party for Tricia... so much fun... Cesar did a wonderful job and us gals had a fantastic time chatting, eating, crafting, relaxing... good times

Sunday - out to breakfast with the inlaws, relax, relax, relax

A weekend of fun, friends and relaxation... my kind of weekend.

Though it did start off with drama in the world of the sister-in-law... ugh. I won't even get into it, but if you are interested email me and I can send you the email chain... quite amusing if you are bored.

Still thinking about babies... when will I be ready, will I ever be ready, etc? March... I must have some idea by March when we are set to discuss seriously again. Yikes. I am starting to come around to the fact that life won't end with a baby, it will just significantly change... vacations will happen, just not as frequently... we can still have a life but just different. I am only 27. That is a way to look at it, right? I don't want to be an old parent but I don't want to rush either... where is the middle ground?!?!?!?!

Mid-week post...

Nothing exciting to post about. Just normal flow of life.

Monday - won the 1st game at Jimbo's (poker)... $25 gift certificate... and racked up enough points to put me in the overall lead

Tuesday - fell asleep on the couch by 7pm (I was clearly exhausted)

Wednesday - won the 2nd game at Applebees (poker)... $10 gift certificate

Yesterday the Alero started making some strange noise so that car is going into the shop tomorrow to have a looksie at.

Craig = still thinking about what he wants to do... nothing seems to be coming to him.

Tomorrow night - hair appt finally... color and cut here I come!!

More to come soon..........

A reflection...

So life is full of ups and downs. It is how you roll with those changes that defines who you are is what I am coming to believe more and more as time passes. "Everything is temporary" is so true (voiced by my stepfather growing up)... so it doesn't matter if things are horrible, it is only temporary, but something also to remember when you feel at the top of the world. Appreciate what you have today because tomorrow it may be gone.

No I don't claim to be some philosopher, nor do I claim to have come up with any of these thoughts... but I do feel I am becoming more a believer in them.

So Craig is out of work, what can I do about it other than be supportive and do my best to help Craig find his new path? Am I growing up? Maturing? Not sure, but I am sure that the last time this happened I was super freaked out and it is in my nature to worry... so I am happy to be able to say that I am taking this well and am actually somewhat happy that it happened.

This changes things though. Craig and I were going to "talk" again in March about possibly "trying" (not necessarily then but set a possibly timeframe on when). Part of my readiness is the ability to stay home for a period of time with a baby IF that is what I wanted. A big IF. I take into consideration finances, although many say you will never be ready if you wait for the "right" time. I wanted to see in March what we would have in savings (current savings + tax refund + Craig's bonus that he was eligible for)... well now the possible bonus, which was large I mind you, is no longer an option (on top of no income, just unemployment which I guess is at least something). So that leaves our current savings + tax refund. I am super curious as to what the refund may be, but don't have a good clue since we never had a full year of paying interest on a mortgage. So I guess in March we will still plan to evaluate the situation and maybe make some form of a decision?!?!?! That still freaks me out.

So for now we will enjoy what we have, spend time with friends and family, play some poker and do what we want when we want.

Looking forward to our vacation in early February.

Happy Monday to all!

Wow how things change quickly (and more impressive how I am handling it)

So Wednesday = a raise for me, Thursday = Craig being laid off! What a change of direction to start 2006!

Surprisingly I am ok with it:
a) he was miserable there
b) he wanted to change fields anyway (this will give him the time/chance to do so)
c) at least there is unemployment
d) keeping positive attitude that it doesn't last too long

Tonight = poker night... jazzy with all the new poker duds up
Tomorrow = Craft Day with my girls
Sunday = day of relaxation (which I can now enjoy since I don't have to do chores... that is the only perk to having a husband out of work so I have to capitalize on it, right?)

We will have to cut back (on poker especially), so Monday nights at Jimbo's and Wednesday nights at Applebee's will have to give us a good portion of our poker fix. No more Foxwoods. Though we are still keeping our vacation to Vegas next month (tickets = non-refundable and already paid) and the money has already been put aside.

Life is what you make of it. Right?

Happy New Year

Bring on 2006! I am happy to see 2005 gone, it wasn't the nicest year for sure. 2006 started out lovely with some family time and a nice unexpected surprise at work - a 10% raise and additional employer contribution to my 401K... sweet!! I hope that is a sign of the year to come.

Dad seems to be feeling better with time, which I hope continues. He looked the best since his diagnosis on New Year's Eve when we spent the night down in Gloucester with the fam. I wish I was able to do something to change the situation, but unfortunately that isn't the way it works.

Looking forward to our February long weekend vacation back to Vegas... bring on the Bellagio baby!!! Staying at the one place I've wanted to stay since our first visit and we are both extremely excited about it.

Also curious what our tax refund will look like now having had our first entire year in the house paying interest on the mortgage... the little things are what puzzle me.

Tonight = poker night at Applebees
Tomorrow = massage at Oasis Day Spa (much needed)
Friday = poker night at our place
Saturday = craft day at our place
Sunday = much needed day of relaxation


Happy New Year!!!!!